Wednesday, June 22, 2005

HERBIE: FULLY LOADED, rated G for trademark Disney cornball emotion and Lindsay Lohan's family-friendly wardrobe.

I haven't seen this movie and neither have you, but we don't really need to, do we? At the beginning of the film we learn that Lindsay, although startlingly beautiful with a killer body, adorably hip (yet family friendly) clothes, and a perky woefully misunderstood and unpopular. She tries--gosh how she tries--but somehow people just don't seem to "get" her.

It doesn't help that her mother is dead/living in another state/a selfish career woman who wears $800 pastel suits and constantly admonishes Lindsay to comb her hair, and that her father is dead/living in another state/sweetly bumbling yet pitifully unaware of the heart-wrenching problems Lindsay faces.

If only she could find a way to be show the world what she's got...and to win love from a handsome yet utterly un-sexual boy with soulful eyes.

Maybe an anthropomorphic car could help. Enter Herbie, whom you might remember from the old Love Bug film, although I never saw it so I can't connect with your nostalgia. Sorry. Anyway, Herbie is a little car with a lot of personality, and naturally he and Lindsay hit it off and are soon defending each other like the staunchest of friends.

Hilarity ensues when Herbie manages to embarrass Lindsay's rivals, which almost certainly include at least one Mean Girl with combed hair and glossy lips. Sweet cornball emotion ensues when Herbie manages to embarrass yet thrill Lindsay by thrusting her together with the handsome yet utterly un-sexual boy with soulful eyes whom Lindsay loves loves loves...if only he could possibly be attracted to her and love her back?

At the pinnacle of the film Lindsay and Herbie enter a NASCAR race to face a challenge from Matt Dillon, the aging-but-still-hunky racing champion stud. Can a little VW bug with peculiarly expressive headlights match up against Matt's smokin' hot rod? Can plucky Lindsay with her artfully unkempt red hair possibly have a chance against Matt's hunky embodiment of male domination?

I don't want to spoil the ending for you. Go on and pay $9.50 to see how it all turns out.

On a scale of "Freaky Friday" starring Lindsay Lohan on the low end and "Freaky Friday" starring Jodie Foster on the high end, I rate this movie in the early 1990s.


Blogger Jim McCarthy said...

This is the greatest thing I've ever read...

1:47 PM  

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