Wednesday, June 22, 2005

SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS, rated PG for striking terror in the hearts of men who might have to go see this movie and for excessive (meaning any) use of the word "sister" by white girls to refer to other girls with whom they don't share a mother.

I was super optimistic about this movie ahead of time, and man was I right. Four teenaged girls all go to high school together and through the whim of fate, come together as friends, even though they're all different in completely predictable ways. One is pretty, one is brainy, one is an accomplished high school tennis star and one is chubby but not so chubby you wouldn't want to look at her for 90 minutes. Movie chubby. You know what I mean.

High school, or perhaps one year of high school or perhaps college, comes to an end and the girls realize they have to go their separate ways. They decide to celebrate this passing in the traditional American way, by buying one pair of pants which they will all share, despite the obvious hilarity caused by the presence of the chubby one in this pants-sharing situation. They briefly consider a pair of maternity pants but the pretty one is grossed out.

Shortly, the girls head off to their respective destinations: the pretty one goes off to modeling camp, where after her Bulimia classes, the pants fall down and she mails them to the brainy one. The brainy one is doing a summer internship, or has perhaps taken a job involving a white lab coat, at Genius State University. Fortunately, the white lab coat covers the pants just fine. Alas, the square old dean of students at Genius U. does a "pants sweep" through the dorm one night and the brainy one saves them by balling them up and putting them down the back of her shirt. No one ever looks at your back during pants sweeps. The next day, she mails them to tennis player, who is, ironically, working for an air conditioner installer that summer. Mostly, she just wears the pants to work, where they are exposed to various elements with no comedic properties. This is the most realistic, but least interesting part of the movie. She's actually a pretty decent apprentice electrician, so good on her!

For a while, the pants are forgotten, but then the chubby one steals them from a dryer in the laundromat frequented by the tennis girl completely by coincidence. At this point, she wears them dutifully for the rest of her summer/year/tragically pointless life. Come to think of it, this part of the movie was kinda uneventful too.

In the end, they all get back together to recount their adventures, but they don't invite the chubby one, because she's a stinkin' thief. If you ask me, this is just a set up for a sequel, because you never do see what happens to the pants in the end.

If you're a woman or girl or gay man and want to cause your husband/boyfriend/ more straight-acting partner's face to turn to dust with misery and boredom, I highly recommend this movie.

On a scale of Gilbert Gottfried on the low end and Richard Simmons on the high end, this movie is about as annoying as Carrottop.


Blogger Deborah Graff said...

Maybe the chubby one actually got eaten by zombies.

5:25 AM  
Blogger Jim McCarthy said...

Wouldn't zombies generally go for the brainy one?

7:20 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

This sounds suspiciously like you've SEEN the movie. Way too much detail...

6:17 PM  
Blogger Patriot Xeno said...

Just came over from IMAO - and I'm astounded at the identical concept to another post of mine.
Reviews of Movies I have Not Seen Based Solely on Their Title

4:49 AM  
Blogger Jim McCarthy said...

Patriot, it's a funny coincidence, but frankly, I think mocking the movie industry is in the air right now...between sucky movies that are mostly remakes, a terrible box office slump and Tom Cruise, what else are you going to talk about?

10:35 AM  
Blogger Patriot Xeno said...

And when movies with names like "Murderball" are coming out...

12:16 PM  

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